|Living Compassion Tip — Week 33
Ask Instead of Plead
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg states, “In a world where we’re often judged harshly for identifying and revealing our needs, doing so can be very frightening.” Oftentimes, many of us, especially women, internalize the belief that taking care of others is more important than taking care of ourselves.
When we finally realize that both are important, our first attempts at asking for what we need comes out more like pleading.
Example: A stay-at-home mom has had a stressful day. She says to her family, “I haven’t had a moment to myself all day. I took the kids to school, ran errands, did the laundry, chose paint for the living room”… and with each justification her tone becomes more whiny and pleading.
By the time she gets to her actual request, “I would like some time this evening to myself, ” the listener has probably put up a wall of resistance and is most likely formulating why his or her own day was stressful too!
With a simple statement of her need, the speaker shows that she values her own needs. She does not need to argue why she “should have” or “deserves” time to herself.
Mindful Practice for the Week
This week, pay attention to how you ask to have your needs met. Do you hold a belief that your needs are not as valuable as another’s? Do you think you must justify why you deserve to have your need met? Enjoy your week!
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