The farther we travel into 2014’s NEW Energies, NEW ‘Light Codes’, NEW energy blueprints, the Photonic Light we go, the more physical it all is now. The Forerunners/Lightworkers/Pathpavers are no longer working with higher energies primarily from higher dimensions but are now working very intensely within the physical dimension and physical reality of this world […]
7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene
Sometimes I am really terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.
On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential. There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.
Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.
I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.
The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.
I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.
Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.
Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.
While my self-love journey is on-going, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:
1. THE PEOPLE YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO COMPARE THEMSELVES TO OTHER PEOPLE TOO.
We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.
When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.
2. YOUR MIND CAN BE A VERY CONVINCING LIAR.
I saw a quote once that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.
3. THERE IS MORE RIGHT WITH YOU THAN WRONG WITH YOU.
This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”
As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.
4. YOU NEED LOVE THE MOST WHEN YOU FEEL YOU DESERVE IT THE LEAST.
This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.
I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.
5. YOU HAVE TO FULLY ACCEPT AND MAKE PEACE WITH THE “NOW” BEFORE YOU CAN REACH AND FEEL SATISFIED WITH THE “LATER.”
One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot fully feel satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.
Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.
6. FOCUS ON PROGRESS RATHER THAN PERFECTION AND ON HOW FAR YOU’VE COME RATHER THAN ON HOW FAR YOU HAVE LEFT TO GO.
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that striving for success and being willing to put ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself, regardless of how many times we fail.
Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.
7. YOU CAN’T HATE YOUR WAY INTO LOVING YOURSELF.
Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change.
You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.
Photo by KelseyyBarbara
Credits: Written by Madison Sonnier of Tiny Buddha, where this was originally featured. If you liked this article, please consider following this awesome blog.
Thank you, Ann! I love the way you connect astrological occurrences to what is going on in the world. So many people tell me astrology is “woo-woo” when to me it appears very practical. I guess it can appear esoteric when a person does not see those concrete connections between day to day life and astrological configurations.
Noam Chomsky, Truthout: The invasion of Iraq was a textbook example of aggression. Apologists invoke noble intentions, which would be irrelevant even if the pleas were sustainable. When policy is crafted from a sledgehammer worldview, it only begets more destruction.
Robin Marty, Care2: Are DIY abortions becoming the procedure of choice in the Gulf Coast region? It would appear so, and that will only grow if the states’ Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers laws are allowed to go into effect and cause more clinics to shut down.
Dean Baker, Truthout: There is an important part of the June jobs picture that was largely overlooked: workers in the United States no longer need a full-time job to get health insurance. The data indicate that many workers are taking advantage of this option.
Eleanor J. Bader, Truthout: A small number of public high schools in New York have been granted waivers by the state Department of Education allowing them to avoid most standardized testing. Instead, they have developed performance-based assessments to determine student proficiency.
Jean Trounstine, Truthout: As states grapple with the 2012 US Supreme Court ruling striking down mandatory life-without-parole for juveniles, Massachusetts has more than 60 first-degree lifers sentenced as youth waiting to see how tough pending state legislation affects them.
Bill Moyers, Moyers & Company: Bill Moyers and Jim Hightower discuss the champions of grassroots action fighting the moneyed interests trying to buy and control government. “There is a growing rebellion and an increasing awareness among different groups fighting different battles that they are connected,” Hightower says. “People are beginning to get together and see their common interest.”
The Daily Take Team, The Thom Hartmann Program: If West Virginia put a tax on coal and gas extraction – effectively a carbon tax – and then cycled all of the money it took in back to the people, the results could be extraordinary.
Rebecca Burns, In These Times: In June, the New York City Council passed a budget that will create a $1.2 million fund for the growth of worker-owned cooperative businesses. The investment is the largest a municipal government in the United States has ever made in the sector, breaking new ground for the cooperative development movement.
Jessica Desvarieux, The Real News Network: A Global Ocean Commission report gives world leaders a five-year window for intervention before overfishing and climate change negatively impact the world’s food supply, clean air and climate stability.
Marina Sitrin, Z Communications: The Kreuzberg neighborhood of Berlin is one of the European centers of antifascist organizing. While refugees are being harassed and evicted, protesters are actively resisting these efforts and showing solidarity with the migrants.
Andrew Gavin Marshall, Occupy.com: If the global ruling class doesn’t quickly find ways to accommodate the unemployed and “lost” youth, those people will potentially turn to “populist politics” of resistance that directly challenge the global political and economic order.
Lynn Stuart Parramore, AlterNet: Money is packed with meaning, and it impacts our personalities, our relationships and how we think. Researchers in the emerging field of neuroeconomics are drawing on psychology, neuroscience and economics to give us picture of the human brain on money.
In today‘s On the News segment: Renewable energy isn’t only outpacing new fossil fuel capacity, it’s also spurring billions of dollars in economic development; the New York Court of Appeals says that towns have the right to ban fracking; an island nation in the Pacific is hedging its bets against climate change; and more.
What Is Causing Humanitarian Youth Crisis on US-Mexican Border? Largely US Policies
Mark Karlin, BuzzFlash at Truthout: There are many reasons that children and teens are now running for their lives to the United States from Central America. The crisis, one might argue, is largely precipitated by US neoliberal and drug policies in Latin America resulting in dystopian societies.